Brewstew – Soccer Coach

Brewstew – Soccer Coach


Alright, so not too long ago
my fiance and I decided to be soccer coaches Cause let’s be honest, I make a great goddamn
soccer coach for the bunch of little kids There’s only one little problem with this We don’t know shit about soccer But the good thing is
that we teach a bunch of 4-year-olds They don’t know shit about soccer either I’ll just teach them the three things
that I know about soccer And make them just figure out
the rest on their own “Alright, you guys… You guys
know how to kick stuff, right?” “I kick the shit out of my
little brother all the time” Now, well, perfect! You’re practically
a soccer player already! So we have a few practices to figure out
what kind of skill sets these kids carry For instance, we have little Mario on our team His trademark is that he likes to jump
over the ball when it comes to him Try to explain to him like:”Mario,
your ass is not gonna get out the Wheaties box..” “If you keep leap-frogging
the goddamn soccer ball!” He was also really good at pointing out
any airplanes that were in the sky He’d just stop right in the middle of practice Point up at the sky: “Oh, airplane, airplane!” “It’s great, Mario, but it’s not about
to crash into this goddamn soccer field” “I can’t really give two shits
about that airplane” Now get your little air traffic controller
ass over here and kick the ball Poor kid was just really excited about airplanes He just wanted to share it with the world “Holy fuck, look at that airplane in the sky!” “Is this not a big deal to you, people?!” We also had two girls on the team,
that were sisters They wouldn’t step foot on the soccer field,
unless they were holding hands with each other So they’d be out there, hand in hand,
like they got a game of Red Rover going on somewhere They’re clotheslining kids left and right “Hey, why don’t you guys
try playing by yourself?” “Because I don’t do shit “Because I don’t do shit
WITHOUT MY SISTERRRRRRRR!1!!” “Okay! Alright, whatever” “Holy hell, take some xanax, you psychopath” So our first game rolls around And if you think handling one team
of 4-year-olds is a lot to handle Try having two teams out there It was pure chaos We got kids out there doing cartwheels and shit Players kicking the ball into their own goal “God damn it, Billy! You are bastardizing
the sport of soccer!” All the parents are looking at us, like: “Hey, asshole, what kind of circus show is this?” “What the hell have you been teaching our kids?” They would kick the ball out of bounds The referee would blow the whistle They just totally ignore it, keep on going *Blows the whistle harder* “STOP, WAIT A MINUTE!” *kids giggling* *Blows the whistle even harder* *kids giggling* We’d have kids trying to pick
the ball up with their hands In the first couple times they do it,
you try to explain it to them nicely “Ah, sweetheart, you can’t pick up
the ball with your hands, you don’t do that in soccer” But then after repeating yourself 5000 times
you’re just getting sick of it, you’re like: “God damn it, Billy, if you pick that ball up
with your hands again..” “..I’m gonna chop your balls off with a machete” *all the parents gasp* “Ha-haa, haaa…She’s just joking,
we don’t have a machete, I don’t think” “AAAAAAAAAAAA111!1!” Now, there are only so many
4-year-olds playing soccer So every weekend we’d play against the same team And there was one kid on that team
that would pretty much score all their goals But the thing is, he was like a foot taller,
than everybody else on the field “What the hell, how old is that kid out there?” “Somebody check his birth certificate,
I’m pretty sure we graduated highschool together!” The kid had like stubble on his face and shit He’s out there smoking a cigarette like:
“Alright, let’s hurry this shit up!” “I’ve got to pick my kids up
from daycare in the half-hour” So we pretty much watched him
beat the hell of our team for the whole game It was especially bad in the second half Because by the time
the third quarter rolls around Nobody wants to play soccer anymore, they want
to go home and do whatever kids do these days “I just want to eat fruit roll-ups
and watch weird-ass spiderman videos on youtube” We’d have kids laying down on the field Billy’s over there, digging in his ass crack “God damn it, Billy!” “Your great grandma
made it out here to watch you today!” “Her ass has emphysema,
she’s only got so many days left” “You think she wants to spend them watching you
fiddle with your asshole all day long? I don’t think so!” There’d be one kid crying on the field
at all times, it seemed like Like it was in a goddamn rulebook He’d just be sitting down,
having a mental breakdown Their parents are taking
pictures of them and shit We’d have a coach on one knee,
trying to be a mini-psychiatrist “What are you crying for,
you’re four years old, for Chist’s sake!” “Wait till you’re old like me,
and you get a divorce” “Then you got to sit at home
every night by yourself” “Eating hungry man TV dinners,
just waiting to die” “Get your ass up and play some soccer!” And then out of nowhere, the referee
blows the whistle and the game is over Everyboby gets some Goldfish And a pacific cooler CapriSun All the coaches are all stressed-out I run out to the parking lot,
slam six beers down while nobody’s looking “Alright, team, that was a good game!” “Billy, you scored three goals today,
but they were all in our own net, so way to go!” “Mario, you pointed out four airplanes, and one
helicopter, that’s a new FIFA world record, alright!” “And ladies, well, you clotheslined a kid,
and broke his collar bone, that’s pretty sweet too!” “I expect more of the same next week,
go, team go!” https://brewstew.com Special thanks to: Chas McQuillan, Innovation Pro,
Cameron J, Vinnie Pretet, Marcus Johnson, Special thanks to: Bobby Luu, Wesley Rocco,
Steven Meekel, Matthew Dodd, Kevin Scannell Special thanks to: James Walker
& All the other patrons! https://www.patreon.com/brewstew https://teespring.com/stores/brewstew
https://facebook.com/brewstewcom https://twitter.com/brewstewfilms

100 comments on this post

    Scruf You later

    They want to go home and watch you

    Reply

    nugget nugget

    2:20 pause "i'.m going to chop your balls of"

    Reply

    MediumBurrito21

    I love your vids your super funny

    Reply

    Ethan Turvey

    Woof

    Reply

    jaime garcia

    Pelé the greatest soccer movie

    Reply

    badinfo 7878

    I can imagine him as a father.

    Reply

    Russell Lauer

    Archie Bunker Park.. Do you watch all in he family?

    Reply

    Cade Brady

    *chants go team go* and *falls with beer in hand*

    Reply

    Maddie Hawk

    Eat my ass nigga reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

    Reply

    Stale memes Studios

    WHEATIES

    Reply

    Memey

    Of Course EVERYONE Is Gonna Know Péle a Legend From Brasil

    Reply

    Schiller Memestar

    1:06 New York citizens on September 11, 2001 (colorized)

    Reply

    M2a2t2t2e2o2 W1h1i1t1l1o1c1k

    0:18 hey that movie (the big green) was filmed at my school

    Reply

    Redeem_DeltaRyZe

    0:24 I kick the shit out of my brother all the time” 😂😂😂

    Reply

    Lewis

    Wow never knew there was third quarters in soccer😂🤦🏻‍♂️ 2:57

    Reply

    Random Fanart

    "Goddamn it Billy!" -Brewstew

    Reply

    The Network

    Yeah i was the airplane guy, joining the Air Force now

    Reply

    Marcos

    The 3rd quarter 😂

    Reply

    Logan White

    3:08 SO FUCKING TRUE!!!!!!!😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

    Reply

    Dylfish

    Messi
    Mess
    Mes
    Me
    M
    Ma
    Mar
    Mari
    Mario

    Reply

    Sourish Gopal

    One hell of a soccer team!!!!!

    Reply

    DOG WOOD

    A 4 year old is better than me at football

    Reply

    Annie Kinser

    You have a machete watching girl the machete what's your goal

    Reply

    YNW Fasho

    When he said Xanax, that made me have memories of my brothers girlfriend running over my dog who’s only 2 years old.
    She took like 60 pills.

    Reply

    Joe Sgro

    When is brewster going to get 1 mil subscribers already he deserves it

    Reply

    Ham Burger

    Fifa 19 creators

    Reply

    Peter 6233

    That girl needed some cigerets and zanex

    Reply

    Joshua A

    Tell Mario to play basketball dude got hops

    Reply

    Jamie Hill

    Wow more uploads

    Reply

    Miller Blaylock

    My dad coached soccer. One kid always showed up in a spiderman costume and would only answer to 'Spiderman'. As a soccer player of 9 years watching that team was painful.

    Reply

    Brodogg 515

    R-rated odd1sout

    Reply

    Ernst Jünger

    It‘s cold football or realy Fußball

    Reply

    GIBLING GD

    I wish i had soccer coaches like that

    Reply

    ριχlgυи 1964

    Mario was my class m8… and he “bullied me”

    Reply

    Staley Uris

    My parents are fighting

    Reply

    NATO Warsaw pact

    Wait i remember going against brewstew

    Reply

    Muaaz Ibn Zayed

    People on mars see this crap

    Reply

    McLaren Mercedes Deniz

    CDM defensif midfilde CB centr back RB right back LB Left back CM centre midfiyde CAM ataking midfyde LW left Wing ST goal animal RW right Wing sorry for the bad english

    Reply

    Dandoid

    Why does mario sound like Michael I mean I know brewstew Voice
    S him but then like Tommy’s voice
    Edit : sorry this comments confusing

    Reply

    Team Fury Official

    Oh look!! An airplane!!!

    Reply

    Tes Bergman

    When I was 4 this was, not kidding MY team I loved to point out airplanes just that I'm pretty sure I was in Iowa when I did it

    Reply

    Ash Ash

    Soccer? Oh you mean FOOTBALL

    Reply

    JHVlogs

    Alright, you know how to kick stuff alright
    Alright let’s get playing alright
    Alright you guys are practically soccer players alright
    Brewstews teacher

    Reply

    Beanos Bean

    Mario: OOOOH LOOK AT THAT AIRPLANE

    Airplane: drops nuke

    Tyler: 🙂

    Reply

    Zubair Hassam

    “ 3rd quarter “ 🤦🏻‍♂️

    Reply

    Yummy Mummy

    2:13

    Reply

    skinn3rtank

    I would be the Pep Guardiola of youth league

    Reply

    ITACHI UCHIHA

    PP hurt

    Reply

    FloDextO

    Bro I’m sitting at home with a broken collarbone and holy shit you make my freaking day with these vids

    Reply

    You Cam#101

    Ha ha lol

    Reply

    MohanadStuffYT

    I really want to be in that match and play

    Reply

    IcyDaze

    2:40>2:45

    😭😭😭

    Reply

    Peanut Butter

    I love this channel so much

    Reply

    Mihai Oprisan

    It’s called football not soccer!

    Reply

    Alloygame Softer

    3:07 my little cousins in a nutshell

    Reply

    Blackwater Bilbies Cricket

    Aeroplane btw

    Reply

    anime fangirl

    1:23 be like calefla and kale from dragon ball super

    Reply

    sapphire moonlight

    lol

    Reply

    Minitrain

    Gawd dammitt billy

    Reply

    Minecraftgod219

    3:35 WTF🤣🤣

    Reply

    Da Kringy Kidz

    Wait a sec hold on…

    AIRPLANE!!!

    Reply

    Mya lisa

    I'm new subby and I just have to say this man is very funny I know this year late but I'm just getting caught up 😄 and also god dang it Billy stop digging in your butt 😂😂

    Reply

    boom boom

    😛

    Reply

    swaggy t

    3rd quarter lol

    Reply

    Ready Fs

    3rd quarter lol

    Reply

    Nicky Takahashi

    Football*

    Reply

    Krumping Marge

    I love me some fifa trailers

    Reply

    Lars-August Andersson

    Why can't ordinary people play like that? 😂😂😂

    Reply

    NoCoolNameJim

    I feel called out.
    Because I do that airplane thing

    Reply

    John Doe

    😂😂😂

    Reply

    William Dominating

    Go team go while drunk fall ha ha

    Reply

    Niko Kemmeren

    I was in soccer and i was the tallest person in the team and games but the kid on another team was about the same height as me so it would be me and him neck and neck kicking each others balls for a living what a time to be alive

    Reply

    Brenplays

    3:24 I didn't know i was in this video!!

    Reply

    Leo Johns

    Alright

    Reply

    W&S

    Being a soccer ref, this is so relatable😂

    Reply

    Leo Johns

    I agree with the kid with yellow hair. I kick the shit out my little brother all the time.

    Reply

    Nle Choppa

    Lmao I watched all of ur vids 🤣🤣🤣

    Reply

    Dre The Kidd

    And 15-20 years later, well have Mario's animation channel with a video about his soccer coach.

    Reply

    Douglas Zahn

    “Because, lets be honest, I’d make a great goddamn soccer coach!”
    Proceeds to explain to us why he was a terrible soccer coach.

    Reply

    K1N6 GH0st

    3:10 I'm dead

    Reply

    crazy cereal foreal

    I played soccer since preschool im in sixth grade now and my name is Mario and I used to jump over the ball

    Reply

    Luke Cyr

    Punt the puppy

    Reply

    Bic Mac

    2:28 I know that machete it’s from l4d2

    Reply

    Blu Laza

    Get ur fiance to voice herself

    Reply

    Elk Master

    I literly used to be that tall kid I was all ways taller than anyone we played in soccer but I live I in Tennessee.

    Reply

    micro disrespect

    Luigi look a plane ✈🛩🛫🛬

    Reply

    dog lover

    2:20 turn captions on its better

    Reply

    Blueeye Guy

    🙂

    Reply

    Dylan Rapp

    1:30 tell that to my ex

    Reply

    DISTURB_EXOTIC

    True about the YouTube spiderman shit 😂🤣

    Reply

    vicci walford

    Mario thinks the ball is a koopa shell to dodge

    Reply

    Sandro Gelashvili

    Those two sisters are like kadie and sadie from total drama

    Reply

    Rory Snow

    1:40 damn that’s some impressive animation

    Reply

    Aquatic Tuber

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    Reply

    Tyler Stearmer

    I don’t judge Mario because that’s me to this day at 17 years old

    Reply

    lynx boy

    You know Messi and that is good enough

    Reply

    the Awkward moment of silence

    Wow that weird ass spiderman elsa shit has like 700t views

    Reply

    Gabe Rules

    Imagine if the kids parents see this😂😂😂

    Reply

    Enrique Tlahuel

    I like it when he says “You hold the fifa world record for spotting three airplanes and one helicopter”.

    Reply

    Playerza64 GD

    Weird i remember always scoring on little kids

    Reply

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